One year after our engagement:

Life is what I always dreamed it to be but it’s a strange feeling because once a dream becomes reality you begin to wonder if you really are dreaming. We somehow go on living a life unaware of the fact that it’s all real, it’s all happening now and here. We are together building a life from scratch a family of two willing to grow into the future and bonding in times of hardships and strength. My husband now a part of me has grown to be inseparable from my set of believes, my achievements and my failures. Our lives have twined in a fashion that unconsciously we thread into one. Forgetting that we are in fact two different people…

My husband is my epiphany of truth and with him by my side I am ready to salvage my world from all the troubles that we may face.

A note to you Shonz:

I am blessed to have you by my side for you are someone who is so much like me and yet different, someone who completes my shortcomings and I hope that I complete yours. You truly are my reflection and through you’re eyes I see my present. A scary thought for others but somehow I do believe that our world does revolve around each other.

With a tender kiss I give myself to you forever
and through all the vows we’ve made
our life will never be undelivered


You for me and I for you I stated
and this is how it’s been and will continue
for our love will never be outdated

I thank God for you everyday
and sometimes it’s hard to hold my tears
It’s a little scary to love someone so much
but I just pray that God gives us many such years.

With you every step of the way.

You’re Companion & Wife.

Constant World

I lived a life along the docks
Where the breeze was fluid and the ocean warm
A peaceful life with no hard spots
Among the rocks were my calmest thoughts

In the grim moon light
Came a fierce storm
That took away life and pleasures with
It was all gone in seconds to spare
My beautiful paradise lost n’ bare

What went wrong I thought and wondered?
Did the oceans loose its calm?
To the savage underworld…
It couldn’t be I blamed in vain
For life was no longer to be without pain

I later found out the storm was mocked
It was the dams that broke loose and caused a rot
Water gushed from every barrier
Created by man in hopes of
Taming nature’s carrier

I lost all hopes in this land
For mankind was doomed no matter where
I thought in patience for where I’d go
I realized therein that this was home

I built a life from scratch again
It was tiring but worth the same
To rebuild my paradise remained my goal
And I never lost hope within my soul

I stood back after a year to gaze amidst
It was beautiful again with no more rifts
I hoped and prayed that life would remain
And people would let nature live untamed.

~ Nobody
November 10, 2007.

Pursuit of Lost Passion

How many of us really know what passion truly means anymore? How many of us are strong enough to let it out and let it lead us through the garden of life. Its’ color its vibrance is so hard for us to embellish but once broken free it’s as beautiful as paradise itself, filled with bountiful flowers and ever green land. Like a river that never ends curving through every corner with such elegance as if it were hugging a beautiful woman’s body. Passion when let out can conquer all hearts, weak and strong. It can pacify everyone’s needs; it can indulge in every ones spirit and find a comfortable abode in a man’s mind. Passion is the undeniable truth that not everyone is strong enough to release but once out it’s all up to us then.

Delivering ones true potential, true identity and desire is so hard to understand these days, it’s like we are all stuck in this huge maze of ambition that what we truly want is lost in there somewhere. Our options have grown vast with such intensity that people no longer know how to look within for what they want. Instead we all seem to look outwards to make a choice, to make that one decision of life. I guess what they say is true, the grass is always greener on the other side because today in the 21st century unlike the yesteryears what life is all about is “there are so many choices out there, which one should I pick”. It’s like we have all forgotten what we hold in our hearts and just live on trying to figure out where we fit in….we as a human race have forgotten to find the peace within. Sad but true… we have lost against the race of need versus want. And that has become the undeniable truth.

"Undying spirits of the pretentious world fail to recognize the true hero within.

For hearts cherish for what’s truly worth their needs sadly leave all its pure passion behind.

How serenely the worldly act of forging one another is at is most powerful peak for what’s worth nothing…

but sadly we live on whisking away the future in hopes to become what is called the high society cream."

~ Yours heavenly, Nobody.

Liberate Islam??!!

For years now I amongst all people have said, “I am a moderate Muslim and my muslim family practices Moderation”. I have however, on occasions questioned the lifestyle of the more Conservative Muslims? The ones with the beards and hijab… and who dress as if they still belong to the 7th century? Are they living a lie? Does today’s society mean nothing to them? They would argue otherwise and then the question of who am I would never really be answered. So I’ve decided to reframe my question and divert it to the so called moderate society of Islam itself. Who are these so called moderate Muslims? And does Islam preach, understand and accept moderation?

I claim to be one of them so I figured who better to question than myself. Okay question number one: Where do you draw the line on religion? Or better yet, is religion a way of life, a set of rules we are governed by, or is it just a cult we want to be a part off? Moderate Muslims claim to believe in the Oneness of God (Allah) and all moderate Sunni Muslims believe in the Last most beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). We read the Quran, on and off don’t completely understand it, pray five times a day or at least we try sometimes we are just too lazy. Fast during Ramadan but don’t really devout all our free time in prayer or dhikr of Allah. Perform our Holy Pilgrimage to Mecca, and get back to our normal daily routine as if we had just had an outing or a vacation and live life by what we choose Islam to be. We create our own rules, we believe in only what we choose too, we say we believe only in the Quran and the Quran asks us to believe in the teachings of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) but yet we have no way of following his teachings because we don’t really believe in Hadiths. Those are for the conservatives you see, because Hadiths are written by men and men hate women so they want to rule over them and so on and on and on! Thus basically we create our own way of life and yet call ourselves Muslims. Am I just mad at what we’ve made Islam to be? Possibly. What is it that I have begun to dislike about the way I follow my religion? Islam has become too commercialized for us moderate Muslims and I think that is what bothers me the most. Us not understanding Islam and just following it for the sake of following it, believing what we understand, changing rules as we like so we can fit in to today’s society. Honestly we are just too afraid to say it but in our minds Islam is outdated. If Islam is complete submission to Allah (The Most Merciful), and if we really believed in Heaven and Hell would we not then fear Hell. Would we go around living the way we do. Would we not rush to our daily prayers like the so called conservative do? Would we not also ask for Allah’s mercy during Ramadan and not just fast to prove we are Muslims? Would we not perform Hajj as if it were our last chance to life and forgiveness? Maybe for a lack of a better word, I have become a little more conservative, if there is such a thing. But is that really so bad? And why are we so afraid of being judged? Why is it that the minute I say the word hijab I will get the “Oh my God she's lost it look?” (from family first) Why is it that people are so quick to judge? And if how we perceive others is so important and if judging someone is equally important shouldn't that give us more of a reason to believe in Judgment day? Shouldn't we be the most worried about Allah’s angel judging our actions/intentions every day? Sad but we even take our work more seriously than life. We are afraid to miss work but we aren't afraid to miss our prayers. We are afraid of losing our jobs but aren't afraid of losing life. We take God’s mercy for granted and become too lazy to submit to him in prayer but are always there to answer our bosses call. We truly have made religion a set of rules that we should live by and have forgotten Allah in the process. We have made a mockery of every aspect of Islam including Hajj. We pay to spend comfortable nights at Hajj as if we are there for sight seeing. Think about it… VIP tents at Mina who are we kidding??? Hajj has become as commercialized as religion itself and it hurts me. I agree there are people who pretend to be very religious but yet live life for their own benefits. They are people who give religion a bad name but shouldn't that be a reason to prove that it can be otherwise. Should one wrong be corrected by another wrong? Maybe I am only attacking moderation and there is a whole other side to this conservative Muslim society, but shouldn’t that give us more of a reason to change it? Shouldn't we follow Islam the way it is supposed to be followed and not just sit back and say “oh you don’t know what all those bearded and hijabi women do behind their disguise so I am better off than them”. Shouldn't we stop criticizing and using that as an excuse to do what we want to do?

Perhaps I am one voice in a million and will be shunned forever in the out roars. But the truth has to be told.

Moderation and Conservatism is a bunch of baloney!!, because that itself has its own set of divisions.

There is no scale in Islam… there are only Muslims and I, as a Muslim have let down Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). I, as a Muslim have lost the most precious thing about Islam, simplicity. I, as a Muslim am losing this battle of religion against society. I, as a Muslim am entrapped in this materialistic world and have forgotten Allah, when Allah alone knows best. As-Salaam Alaikum (Peace be upon you) and may we all learn to live in peace.

My God isn't better than your God and your God isn't better than mine.., because there is only one God and he is divine... I am but a slave sent down to earth to live in harmony without creating divisions let alone in society but in our own home. Let there be none, for who are we to judge?, who are we to create boundaries and separations when we were all created from the same earth. In the end isn't there we will meet as one again? Live in Peace please, live for God and not for what we've made of Him.

Falak Zaffer, September 16, 2007.

An Apology

I’ve seen her through the years, giving her life up for the betterment of her loved ones and in return all she got was a bed in an old age home. I’m not sure how to react in such a situation or how to even comprehend what must go on in the old lady's mind but it hurts to know that even I have become a spectator in this game of HER life. People I know stop and feel bad at her fate but not one to stretch their hand out and take her in to their care. Yes, it’s easy to say that I miss her, I love her, I feel bad for her… I wish I could do something, but is all of that good enough or can we really do something? I wonder when was the last time somebody paid her a visit in the broken down nursing home or even stopped to say hello… Everyone seems to be restricted by either one of the three factors Time, fate and money ever wonder how these very different forms, factors and features got blended into one. How is it that these three things end up prescribing the new meaning of life? Through the eyes of a daughter I have failed to live up to her expectations & all that I am worth doing is apologizing.

Dedicated to my great aunt - I am sorry.

about my husband:

Just like music our lives will mesh into one. I for you and you for me. My notes to balance your keys. Together we will walk a path sometimes green sometimes not so green. I am ready, I am ready to make you my husband, my life partner, my soul searcher.
___________________________


15 days after our engagement:

I'm All that to him.And I know it. With a promise in his eyes he came into my life and I felt it the minute I saw his picture. Not realizing that my destiny lay in his palm and my hand fit right into his, I saw him with a bit of love and bit of insecurity. Yes, a bit of love. I did not know this man nor had I ever met him before but the minute I laid my eyes on his picture I felt like I had known him forever. I had a strong pull towards him and I just had to ask my parents to introduce us (a bold move any girl would be afraid to make in an arranged marriage situation). I knew that minute that this man was different and his genuine smile could encompass everything around him and become one with him. He was powerful in a subtle way and his humility showed on his face. That warmth in his eyes made me feel a bit of love without even meeting him and that made me a little jittery about the whole thing. I can never really begin to understand what compelled me to say `Yes' without any hesitance but I could feel that Allah wasn't really giving me a chance or a choice to think He just made me feel assured that this man would keep me happy and everything else would fall right in place. It all felt like destiny. Imran was to be my destiny.

Today, I know his walk, I've read his eyes and I've felt his heart. His love for me is wonderous and truly I'm all that to him and more.

Mirrors of life: An uncertainty that binds us to our familiarities.

It is weird how we tend to let go of things and yet hold on to that very minute part not realizing how, that tiny part is its essence on its own. We fail to recognize that it too like all the others has once again become a part of our being, a part of us that makes us a whole.Relationships are of such a wonderful nature. We tend to move on, we tend to believe that its all done but how many of us really forget and let it out of our minds forever? It is impossible to do so, because with every break up or heartbreak, or with every moment of happiness, pleasure, anger and sorrow we learn and when we learn we treasure.Love, relationships, feelings, needs that entire jungle of emotions can make life seem so demanding mindlessly confusing. However, if we take a step back and look at it for a moment without any prejudice, it could possibly just be another facet of the diamond. A diamond that sparkles more in the sun, which brings out beautiful colors with a spec of light. That spec of light in life is hope. Hope is something we all dwell in, we all keep on craving more off, we all live for. If it weren’t for hope, would there truly be love? I wouldn’t want to leave you with a question but if you think about it, the answer is pretty simple. Hope is the only sanity left in human kind probably the only distinctive feature a man yet preserves.

Goodnight,
Yours truly,
Nobody.
March 7th, 2005.

Say Cheese Mr. Valentine...

Ever wonder why relationships are such a major crisis and yet a major necessity in ones personal growth and well being? Is it even an issue or have we forced ourselves subliminally into believing that loneliness is a bad thing? Life it self requires an individual to grow in a social conduct forcing one to follow the rules of moral dignity, righteousness and communal upbringing. We being social animals, have made life unimaginable to live without a set of relationships, may it be with our parents, siblings, friends or even our lover. To make things more complicated, special days and occasions have been put in place to celebrate each of these relationships, as if coping up with them wasn’t hard enough. Now what if you don’t fit into these criteria’s or fall short of one or more of these relationships? Does that prove that you are incomplete as a person and are doomed for the rest of your life? If not why is a negative connotation put into the words ‘the lonely lady next door who lives with her cat’? Is it really that important to have someone by your side for the rest of your life or is it just a matter of our social view that has been drilled into our heads over the years? Do emotions, feelings really exist or was it just the harshness of the 'survival of the fittest' that brought us together. Was Freud right when he said that human beings by nature are amoral and asocial beings who do not live happily in a society and do so only to make communal life possible and to fulfill one’s own ‘pleasure principle’. Ah! So many questions but who is to know or lay out the truth of what is to be truly human? However, taking a step back into the hot topic of the day ‘relationships’. All I heard from single women today was ‘Valentines day sucks’ with a moping face as if their life just got worse due to St. Valentine. Yah its a pretty good occasion to be with the one you love and to tell them just how much you care, but why is it necessary to feel left out if you don’t have that special someone. Sometimes I really wonder if people are genuinely sad for being alone on a day like this or do they just loathe their very existence, or is it just that they all of a sudden feel the need to have someone else pay attention to their self-revolving world. A part of me does wish to be with someone as well, a part of me does feel lost and wishes for someone to pay extra attention towards me, but then I wonder; do I really need someone or am I just looking to sustain my never ending want for emotional pleasure. Well if that is right, then Freud was a genius to figure out human beings but if people are social beings and do wish for companionship then God surely needs to send a martyr down to save our ever so lonely souls.

Nobody, February 14th 2004.

Solid: Ice Cube

Ice cold, tears frozen, haunted, invisible...
Mystified by the unchanging shape, the inability to flow.
Trapped!
Breathing, in out, exhale inhale...
Senseless, feeling unconscious, dying slowly with every breath.
No Luck!
Touching, scraping, feeling nothing...
Surrounded by numbness; compassion, love, and bliss fading.
No Pain!
Living life, praying, believing, not trusting just there...
Thinking, hoping, loosing faith one second at a time.
Gone!

~ Nobody.

Section from Always Smiling

Ear plugs
I’m screaming……
Do you hear me?
I wonder if anyone does
But hey I’m still screaming
And the world is deaf!

~ Nobody.

Silence speaks the Devil

The silence that dwells around me,
Seeps into a parody of fear.
It speaks of the devil,
But drives the angel near.
Who is there to strangle,
To surrender the power of life.
To give in to the hands of evil,
That which is blooming with rife.
No one is willing to save,
The fighting soul at war.
They just gaze in question,
At the treacherous moment set forth.
Forgetting to give a helping hand,
They wait, pray and hope.
Now, I know,They don't crave to die with me,
They just wish to stand and mope.

Falak Zaffer

Copyright ©2007 Falak Zaffer